Jollyblogger writes:

"We seem to think that marriage troubles, or any other relational troubles, are the result of things like poor communication, failure to understand the other person's point of view, failure to meet needs, or the all purpose catch-all reason - incompatibility. But this is not the case at all. Relational troubles are rooted in a failure to understand and believe the gospel. The gospel calls us to a life of submission to the lordship of Christ and a life of self-denial. The gospel is not merely a ticket to heaven, its the door to a whole new way of life. And, as Calvin said 'self-denial is the sum total of the Christian life.'

So, there is simply no way to have healthy relationships amongst people who aren't practicing self-denial. Teach someone who is a lover of himself, or self-obsessed in any way, how to communicate or meet needs and you will produce a very skilled manipulator. Bring that person to Christ and teach them the life of self-denial and you've got the makings of someone who can have healthy, Christ-like relationships. "

Of course Jollyblogger is once again spot on. The tragedy for me is that all too many churchgoers just dont get this at all. In fact many of them can be less meek, and more demanding of life and others than those out in the world! A churchgoer will often believe that somehow they deserve a better lot than the average person because of all they have given to God and others. Wrong answer!

A while back I preached on meekness, which really is another way of describing self-denial. I quoted Lloyd-Jones as follows

Then let me go further; the man who is meek is not even sensitive about himself. He is not always watching himself and his own interests. He is not always on the defensive. We all know about this, do we not? Is it not one of the greatest curses in life as a result of the fall�this sensitivity about self? We spend the whole of our lives watching ourselves. But when a man becomes meek he has finished with all that; he no longer worries about himself and what other people say.

To be truly meek means we no longer protect ourselves, because we see there is nothing worth defending. So we are not on the defensive, all that is gone. The man who is truly meek never pities himself, he is never sorry for himself. He never talks to himself and says, �You are having a hard time, how unkind these people are not to understand you�. He never thinks: �How wonderful I really am, if only other people gave me a chance.� Self-pity! What hours and years we waste in this!

But the man who has become meek has finished with all that. To be meek, in other words, means that you have finished with yourself altogether, and you come to see you have no rights or deserts at all. You come to realize that nobody can harm you. John Bunyan puts it perfectly. �He that is down need fear no fall.� When a man truly sees himself, he knows nobody can say anything about him that is too bad. You need not worry about what men may say or do; you know you deserve all and more. Once again, therefore, I would define meekness like this. The man who is truly meek is the one who is amazed that God and man can think of him as well as they do and treat him as well as they do

That quote concicts me everytime I read it. But what strikes me most is that there are people out in the world who live this more than me. Does that make me not a Christian? I hope not. To me, as a Christian I should be on a journey towards ever more significant meekness. The fact that some people appear to do better than I without the gospel does not disprove the gospel or my part in it. I just needed the gospel more than some. I believe in the image of God being at least to some degree intact in those who are not yet Christians. Thus, if someone is a better person than me but not yet a Christian, that is not really the issue. They would be better still if they were saved. The issue is that I am a better person than I would have been had I not been a Chrisitan, and that I am a better person than I used to be months or years ago.

The truth is that those who choose to live their lives by some of these kingdom values without actually believing in them will still receive some of the blessedness that comes from them. That is at least part of what Jesus meant when he said 'blessed are the meek....'

Having said that, I would challenge anyone to be fully meek who does not understand that Jesus died for them personally.