adrianwarnock.com » Humor

2008 Top Posts Numbers 21 and 22

adrianwarnock — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 02:50:00 +0000

The 22nd most popular post is a summary post reporting on a debate over baptism and church membership between some of the “big guns” in theology, carried out online. When you realize both John Piper and Wayne Grudem have changed their positions on something, it’s certainly worth a listen.

The 21st most popular post is a link to the most popular blond joke in the world. Make sure you follow this one and find that joke—you won’t be disappointed!!

27th Most Read Post – Best Blond Joke . . . Ever!

adrianwarnock — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 14:29:00 +0000

No. 27 on the list of most-read posts on this blog appeared on January 14, 2006, and linked to this hilarious joke. Its popularity was measured by the number of visits to the post in the last half of 2007. The original post is reprinted here in its entirety—just follow the link below to read the joke.

If you are like me, then you like jokes. Jokes often take a group of people and poke fun at them for appearing to be stupid. For some reason, jokes about “dumb blonds” seem to be among the funniest jokes of all.

If you want to find the funniest blond joke the world has ever seen, CLICK HERE!

Out of the Mouths . . .

adrianwarnock — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 23:36:00 +0000

We had a lot of fun with our American visitors over the weekend. Some of my kids and I went to London with them on Saturday. We visited St Paul’s, the Westminster area, and the Tower of London, which we reached by boat. It was a great day, whose highlight for me was surely the following quotes:

Tamasin—”Why did you come all the way from America to look at all these dead people when there are plenty of living ones in our country as well?”

Henry—”That statue over there is supposed to be an angel! More like a demon, showing off its breasts like that. Disgusting!”

Tamasin and Henry of Darwin’s tomb—”What’s he doing in a church? Surely he’s not welcome here?!?”

Charis—My legs are all shaky (after climbing up then down St. Paul’s 400+ stairs).

War Of the Words – Anglo-American Relations Deteriorate

adrianwarnock — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 23:01:00 +0000

The British and the Americans are at war once again. This time it is a more localized conflict than the War for Independence which, for a nation who has a history of over 1000 years, is really just yesterday. Fortunately the weapons of this latest war are words, although these are, of course, more deadly than nuclear bombs. (Proverbs 18:21)

We have American visitors at the moment. My kids are confused. They can’t understand why a room that has a toilet and no bed or bath gets called a restroom or bathroom. But that is nothing compared to what I have just discovered. I mean, an innocent conversation about a lorry overturning on a motorway/highway met with blank looks from my friends. So I tried calling it an articulated lorry, an HGV (heavy goods vehicle), even the odd-sounding word “motor truck” (on Google’s recommendation), and, of course, my favorite description of this type of vehicle—the juggernaut. None of this helped AT ALL. The blank looks continued.

The only way we could communicate was for me to say—‘OK, so you are at Walmart. A vehicle arrives to deliver goods for them to sell. What do you call it?’

The astonishing answer given by these two otherwise sane American girls (who are, incidentally, Christians of marriageable age and available—apply by e-mail to me for prescreening!) was “A TRACTOR-TRAILER!”

My wife and I are not just laughing out loud (LOL) or ROFL, we are CRYING! To me a tractor is a farm vehicle which tows plows, or yes, a farm trailer! Since when does an all-terrain farm vehicle have eighteen wheels?! Wikki is very clear in its definition of a tractor, and it sure isn’t something you would see very often on the roads.

Please, please, please, somebody help us! Give us a sensible name for the vehicle we have agreed to call (in the meantime) a big vehicle that is liable to jack-knife at midnight when the Warnocks are on their way home from holiday!

International Federation of Pentecostal and Charismatic Churches Issue Warning – Do Not Jump in Church This Weekend

adrianwarnock — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 10:16:00 +0000

In an entirely unprecedented move, the body which represents all Pentecostal and Charismatic believers worldwide has issued a warning today. This is in reaction to the announcement by astronomers that a once in a lifetime planetary alignment will occur this Sunday. The alignmentt will induce a feeling of near weightlessness. Due to concerns that believers who dance in church may injure themselves, all believers have been urged to do the following:-

“Pretend you are presbyterians for the weekend and whatever you do DO NOT dance. Clapping and raising hands are not believed to be dangerous” – Rev Dr Andrew Tonto, President of IFPCC

It remains unclear whether every believer will respond to this serious warning.

(More information available here)

This Just in: Davinci Code is Fiction!

adrianwarnock — Sat, 06 May 2006 16:58:00 +0000

Josh Harris: says “. . . The other day I read a short interview with Tom Hanks about the movie. When asked about the controversy he made a statement emphasizing the fact that it was utter fiction. Of course this is obvious. But it also seems obvious to me that Mr. Hanks would probably never touch a movie based on a fictional story that so misrepresented and essentially slandered any other person or group. Would he star in a film that distorted history and facts to tell the story of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr. or a well-known homosexual? Could he get away excusing it all as fiction?”

Josh makes no bones about the fact that he is a bit fed up of it, but closes his post by asking for comments – I thought I’d ask you all to join in either here or over at Josh’s place!

“Has this book and movie given you opportunities to share the Gospel with anyone? And do you know anyone who has been unsettled by or convinced by the ideas in the Davinci Code? Also do you plan to see the movie yourself? Please feel free to comment. “

Exclusive: Challies Takes a Bribe

adrianwarnock — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 05:39:00 +0000

After extenstive research, I am sorry to have to break an exclusive story about my blogging buddy Tim Challies.

Perhaps you have noticed that Tim recently began to list sponsors on his website in a move that he always said he wouldn’t do – it was this act that first alerted me to the fact that things were changing over in Challiesland.

Recently, I can exclusively reveal, he has become more and more desperate for money following his house-move.

I can only assume that it is this that led him to take the shameful action which I am reluctantly revealing to the blosphere today.

Large number of Christians read Tim and they have a right to know the truth.

Faith in the goodness of a simple blogger like Tim will be rocked by this revelation.

On condition that they could vet his final post, I can now reveal that T4GB friends Mahaney, Mohler, Dever, and Duncan invited Tim to an exclusive interview opportunity whilst he was at the Shepherds Conference.

Our heroes invited Tim to join them in Mahaney’s hotel room after one of the evening sessions.

Larger-than-life Dever admitted to Tim in a rare moment of honesty that he was actually faking T4GB blog posts by his buddies – just as Challies was speaking of revealing the charlatan online, Mahaney came back from the bar and offered him a substantial bribe to keep quiet, which Tim accepted.

For how much was our hero willing to loose his integrity?

One thousand US dollars.

Only Challies knows how he can live with his conscience.

Little honest bloggers will unite in disappointment to learn this today of all days!

UPDATE
It seems Tim has retired from the blogosphere in disgrace, whilst another blogger has confirmed my allegations of ghost writing over at T4GB. A campaign to save Challies.com from cybersquatters has begun…..

The Best Blond Joke in the World Ever!

adrianwarnock — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 00:27:00 +0000

If you are like me, then you like jokes. Jokes often take a group of people and poke fun at them for appearing to be stupid. For some reason, jokes about “dumb blondes” seem to be among the funniest jokes of all.

If you want to find the funniest blond joke the world has ever seen, CLICK HERE!